Write a Bio
"It'll be easy," they said.
"Just write down who you are and what you do."
Uh, er, um.
What the hell do I do? What time of the day are you asking me?
Is it when I am driving the busload of boys home from the rec center? Or cross country practice? Or to soccer practice? Or shuttling the girl to guitar? Play practice? Acro?
Is it when I am standing in the yard picking up dog shit? Or snuggling with the pup? Or driving him to daycare?
It is when I am standing in the supermarket wondering why bad food is so cheap and good food is so expensive? Is it when I am pretending to cook? Or when I'm ordering takeout?
Maybe it's the hours that I am a powerhouse marketing consultant, skipping from conference call to conference call, expounding the benefits of unified databases, first-party data and audience engagement. When I am upright, fully alert and dressed? (Please God, let it be then.)
This is impossible. You can't know who I am from 140 characters, or 1000 characters. I am the sum of my years, the entirety of my experiences, the whole of my parts.
And yes, +Michelle Martinka, clearly, I am stalling. That's why I am #stillunpublished after all these years.
Can I just make it up?