I'm Constipated!
Did you really just read past the headline? Are you THAT curious to know why I posted the word constipated? Wow, you sure are struggling for something to do right now, aren't you? Anything to avoid whatever it is you are actually supposed to be doing: laundry, work, bill paying, exercise, watching your children, cooking, watching my children...
This is where my brain has been for a week now. Constipated. Full of ideas, blog posts, story drafts, book submissions, witty status updates, etc. But, completely and utterly stuck. Nothing is getting out. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I've tried home remedies, as in quiet meditation. I've tried over the counter remedies, as in wine. I've gone for walks. I have opened new browser windows. I have changed spots in the house, dragging my laptop along with me. And still, nothing.
Every morning, I begin a new piece in my head and I get a good two or three paragraphs in and get really excited to empty the house of all of its inhabitants, save my trusty mutt. I grab my mug of tea, turn on the space heater, sit down and BAM! My mind puckers up like a toilet training toddler's ass.
Perhaps there are too many things I have to say. And, like an excited child without language skills, I am struggling to communicate one coherent thought. If the damn bursts and it all comes pouring out, we might all drown in the sheer volume of shit I have to share.
Be forewarned. There are either going to be a lot of random poop jokes on FB, or I am going to find relief for my present condition and resume normal programming. Pray for the latter. Poop jokes aren't really my thing.